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Lowbrow, relating to, or suitable for a person with little taste or intellectual interest. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lowbrow

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A friend and I got drunk one night with a couple of guys that we didn’t really know

I became overwhelmed with the feeling of having to piss and somehow forgot how so she had to coach me on

She ended up upstairs with the more attractive guy and I was stuck with the ones who were obsessed with her, falling asleep on the table

Dear friend of mine, you are fired I want an ugly friend.